أول تجربة لي لكتابة قصه باللغه الإنجليزية " The mysterious house

[ٻـآﮱـع آلبُّخْـﯡڕ]

That's it
I'm a slow reader of any kind of stories even it's in Arabic
just give me chance to finish it, then I 'll leave my brief opinion about it

I can't deny that we can't push ourselves to read when we feel uncomfortable ..

anyway, when you feel okay , do not forget to come

I will be waiting for your coming

even if it will take a long time

all the best

[Anfas]

I've finished these lines only

He was wondering, what was behind this old door ?
Everyday the same question was questioned but there was no response.
After a long time, he found a clue which made the mysterious door possible to be solved.

Any way , this man had to find a partner to assist him to reveal the secret of the ugly house.
Although this person was having an evidence but the house was not safe to enter it without weapons.

First of all, let me give this story a very good mark

For its simple language that itten in

So that, no complex sentences , no complex words
and very simple Idea ,too.
Some thing I wished here

I hoped you made an enough description for any thing around
as an introduction for the story, something that makes the reader preparing himself and equiping his mind to be ready for the next events.

It would be better for some words here to be replaced with some others

like:

the word answer: I think it's better than response that often includes an
action

[ٻـآﮱـع آلبُّخْـﯡڕ]

I've finished these lines only

First of all, let me give this story a very good mark

For its simple language that itten in

So that, no complex sentences , no complex words
and very simple Idea ,too.
Some thing I wished here

I hoped you made an enough description for any thing around
as an introduction for the story, something that makes the reader preparing himself and equiping his mind to be ready for the next events.

It would be better for some words here to be replaced with some others

like:

the word answer: I think it's better than response that often includes an
action

you are as good as I thought ..

let us discuss what you have observed ..


anyway, I hope you see again the texts

you have to know the differences between a simple sentence and a complex one ..

this is a complex sentence " After a long time, he found a clue which made the mysterious door possible to be solved

because of containing after and comma ..

a simple sentence like " he likes to eat alone "

please refer to this website to take a look ..

http://eslbee.com/sentences.htm

for the word " answer " it is a very common word so , i replaced by response ..

what you have advised me , i will take it as a good advice

i really appreciate your comments and like them as well ..
please be always here

waiting for the rest of your notes

[Anfas]

this is a complex sentence " After a long time, he found a clue which made the mysterious door possible to be solved

The "COMPLEXITY" here has two meanings::
The first through the structure of the sentence and this what you and Link are talking about
the other and what I ment here is the function or the simple meanig of the sentence
itself for those who exactly know the structure

Many thanks for the Link
I realy need it.

[ٻـآﮱـع آلبُّخْـﯡڕ]

The "COMPLEXITY" here has two meanings::
The first through the structure of the sentence and this what you and Link are talking about
the other and what I ment here is the function or the simple meanig of the sentence
itself for those who exactly know the structure

Many thanks for the Link
I realy need it.

I took it as simple as possible

any way , continue your observation about this story ..

Don't think i dislike what you have said "!

I really like your coming

my regards

[Anfas]

Here we are
again

The man came up with an intelligent idea and unexpectedly (1) he saw one of his old friends was passing by . this guy was studying with him at the previous school . At that moment he jumped up with happiness because he was released that his friend will be a good companion in this adventurous trip.

He called his friend and asked him to sit down beside him in the corner(2) of the street .
At first time his friend could not recognize him but he immediately remind (3)him withhimself to his friend . His friend's eyes were opened widely with a strange look .
you have changed extremely my friend . his friend told him .
but (4)you are the same as you were before . he replied .
Time passed by and they became more comfortable with their conversations about the previous amazing days .

The man (5) told his friend about his determination to discover and solve the ugly house through its mysterious door but his friend was shocked with fear and hesitated to join him .
He attempted to convince his friend by telling that life without adventure is oth nothing and he should try to experience life through its dangerous places to be a famous person among his community . As a result ,his friend became massively exciting and agreed Fearfullyto participate in this fatal way which may cost him his life .
Bravely ,They stood up and promised each other to enter the ugly house at midnight .

(1)
i think he didn't expect his friend then
(2)
The street is some thing flat and ,too long to imagine exatly its edge
(3)
He knew him before ,so there is no need to introduce homself again to his freind ,just reninds whith himself
(4)
The word BUT here Confuses the reader cause it joins pronouns only ,so I don't know who is speaking here.
(5)
this will give me a chance to be ready for a new coming event
This color means that there is no importance for this words and we can avoid

I read it more than twice or thrice, so don't worry about the story itself

It is a very wonderful and I like it

I'm just here with these points not for Yahya but for Anfas herself
I realy want to discuss these points with you to get benefit ecpecially from those who are out of Saudi Arabia and close to the native language

[ٻـآﮱـع آلبُّخْـﯡڕ]

Here we are
again

(1)
i think he didn't expect his friend then
(2)
The street is some thing flat and ,too long to imagine exatly its edge
(3)
He knew him before ,so there is no need to introduce homself again to his freind ,just reninds whith himself
(4)
The word BUT here Confuses the reader cause it joins pronouns only ,so I don't know who is speaking here.
(5)
this will give me a chance to be ready for a new coming event
This color means that there is no importance for this words and we can avoid

I read it more than twice or thrice, so don't worry about the story itself

It is a very wonderful and I like it

I'm just here with these points not for Yahya but for Anfas herself
I realy want to discuss these points with you to get benefit ecpecially from those who are out of Saudi Arabia and close to the native language

i really appreciate your comment and i read what you ote .. but there is misunderstanding ..

by the way , two of my teacher had corrected the whole story

i will put the copy of the correcting paper here to discuss it deeply ..


i am not angry or unsatisfied but i don't want to go father without any points




regards

[Anfas]

i will put the copy of the correcting paper here to discuss it deeply ..

No, don't do it please
I believe it

I was afraid not to come
I felt embarrassed about it
May I've distorted the beauty of the text

It's realy a wonderful piece of Imagination


We 'er still waiting for more and more
of your iting

Thank you so much

Anfas

[ٻـآﮱـع آلبُّخْـﯡڕ]

I was afraid not to come
I felt embarrassed about it
May I've distorted the beauty of the text

It's realy a wonderful piece of Imagination


We 'er still waiting for more and more
of your iting

Thank you so much

Anfas

you did not got it

i meant we will see the mistakes and we will benefit ourselves a lot from them..

i am elated to see your participation and hope u all the best

[Anfas]

you did not got it

I got it ,but realy
there is no body here to discuss with so I asked you not to do it.
Thanks alot

What I'm saying -at the end- is not to stop iting
and it's a good idea to share your teachers your iting
day by day , you 'll become the most famous novelist in Malaysia
and we will be a proud of Mr. Faqihy